Goodnight Midnight Radio Show

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 25, 10, 0.

Our top story tonight concerns reports of gunfire from within the Emeriti mansion in the early hours of the mornin'. It was brief, and the identity of those involved is unknown, but is almost certainly connected with the recent upsurge in gang violence between the Emeriti and the Parnassus families.

In our common segment on missin’ individuals, Jaenie the girl and Matches the cat remain missin’ as of this evenin’. We can only imagine how afraid and alone both must be feelin’ – here’s hopin’ that they find their way home real soon.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 25, 10, and 0.

Once again, all is quiet on the home front today, almost as if the cause of all the horrific events of the past few weeks has left and gone on vacation. Fingers crossed he doesn’t come back.

Only jokin’, you know I love you.

Just to let you all know, the elections to find replacements for Councillors Paula Mendes and the deceased Lonesome Daniels will take place 8 days from now. Votin’ is apparently an important principle of our lil’ Town, for some reason, so get out there and…do that.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 5, 6, 4.

WE ARE ALL DOOMED.

Just....jus....kiddin....

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 27, 12, and -6.

In today’s news, shadowy, hooded figures were seen exitin’ the Parnassus family household earlier this evenin’. Who are they? Do they have somethin’ to do with the brewin’ tension between the Parnassus and Emeriti families? Or are they a sign of some darker conspiracy altogether? You decide, dear listener.

In other news, the new Sister Superior of the Sisters of Our Lady Theresa have vowed to create a herbal medicine to ease the stomach upsets that are bein’ suffered by those who consume Grox Farm-bred grox meat. When complete, this medicine will be distributed entirely for free to those who wish it. Many who were uneasy about the Sister Apothecaria’s ascension are pleased at the news, as it indicates that the new leader intends to continue her predecessor’s public facing charitable works.

The Mechanicus has issued a response to the Sisters’ proclamation, statin’ that the meat is certainly safe for human consumption, and that any digestive discomfort is purely psychological. They urge the Sisters’ not to muddy the waters and cause a panic over nothin’.

Who do you believe? Me, I believe neither. Is that coherent? Who knows.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 9, 6, and 0.

A big congratulations goes out to our local hero Seraphim, who has recently been inducted into the Church of St Moriartus. Take that oath seriously now, and hold the Saint’s flame high.’

Singing Barnett gives an odd chuckle, before continuing.

‘In other news, the Sisters of Our Lady Theresa have escalated their brewin’ feud with the Mechanicus. In response to the yesterday’s announcement from the Mechanicus at the Grox Farms to keep calm and carry on, the Sisters have responded that the last time the Mechanicus made a general announcement of that nature, 75% of the Town died of the plague.

Ouch.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 12, 7 and -1.

Miss Helia of the Orphanage for Little Sisters has once again put out a call for information regardin' the whereabouts of the missin' girl, Jaenie. Miss Helia has offered a reward of 1,000 thrones for information that leads to the girl's return, and 5,000 thrones for anyone able to physically locate the girl and bring her home. Once again, listeners are reminded that those who have taken her are likely to be armed and extremely dangerous.

In other news, with the arrival of General Harroway and his lil' troopers, the annual recruitment drive has been started a lil' early this year. Sign up! Sign your kids up! Hell, it's a great way to get rid of a spouse or sibling you don't like.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 16, 8 and 0.

In today’s news, people have reported hearing strange rumblin’s from underneath Midnight Town, like small earthquake. It’s adding to the growin’ sense of unease about the mutants, who continue gettin’ bolder by the day. Suspicions have been set runnin’ even faster after Lieutenant-General Tyler Pierce, one of General Harroway’s retinue, was seen visitin’ the Vigil Hunter’s Guild for unknown purposes.

Another sign of the changin’ times – Arthur Emeriti and several of his gun-slingin’ goons were seen attending the Church of St Moriartus this evenin’, for the first time in seven years. A sign the arms-dealer has found renewed faith, or that something strange is afoot? Stanger things are always afoot, in my humble opinion.

Haha.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 24, 11 and -5.

Today’s top story: the Mechanicus have recanted their opposition to the Sisterhood’s attempts to create a cure for the nausea bein’ caused by the meat products of Midnight Town. They have stated that they will even assist in the production and distribution of the medicine, if the Sisterhood accepts their help. However, the Sisters seem to be declinin’ that help, as their spokesperson Sister Serenity allegedly responded that ‘If they want to help, they could stop feedin’ the population poison.’

Double ouch.

So, it’s time for one of my signature rambles on the nature of the Creed. I was flippin’ through my book of select, inspirin’ quotes from the Creed today, and I noticed that it is all very individualistic. A lot of things about how we all should be in isolation, and how we should mistrust and judge, but not a whole lot about how we should cooperate with each other. Don’t you think that is strange, for a religion that founds an empire which is held together only by cooperation and alliance? Really makes you wonder, doesn’t it, whether we are all focusin’ on the wrong thing. Now, you might say, hey, Barnett, you good lookin’ man, people don’t need to be told to cooperate and get along, they just do that automatically – it’s all the other stuff that’s hard. People like makin’ friends. But do they? Do they really? And what does it all mean, if they don’t?

Makes you think.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 27, 12 and -6.

Just time for a few announcements this evening. Tomorrow is votin’ day, so be sure to go out and play your role in the glorious nonsense that is democracy. I’m sure it’ll be a day to tell your grandkids about.

Singing Barnett yawns loudly, before continuing.

The Sisters of Our Lady Theresa has announced the release of their de-nauseatin’ pill to counteract the effects of the Grox Farm’s…unusual produce. They have begun free distribution at the Pharmacy, available at all hours. People are sayin’ that this will be a great boon to the poor who still have to eat meat from the Farm, but me, I say there’s no such thing as a free lunch. There’s always a price for everything: question is, what price do the Sisters have tucked away in the fine print? Maybe we’ll never know.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 24, 11 and -5.

The polls have closed and the new councillors have been elected, with Councillor Mendes standing down with effect tomorrow. Our new democratically elected rulers are Leo Smith and Bernice Payne. Congratulations to them both.

In other news, the Mechanicus have offered out an olive branch to the Sisterhood once more, offering to include the Sisters’ new medicine directly injected into the meat grown at the Grox Farms. The Sisterhood have yet to release a response, and feelin’s about the town are mixed as to whether it would be a good idea.

Personally, I’ve never eaten anything’ I didn’t kill with my own two hands, so this whole debacle has never been an issue for me. Maybe that’s just me.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 18, 9 and -3.

We can officially report that the Sisterhood have accepted the Mechanicus’ proposal to inject their herbal remedy directly into the Grox meat in order to make the stuff more palatable to everyone’s sensitive little stomachs. The process of blendin' the two together will begin tomorrow. Isn’t it nice to see everyone cooperatin’ and gettin’ along?

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 12, 7 and -1.

There has been a tragedy in Midnight Town, folks. Scores of young and buddin’ recruits for the Imperial Guard were slaughtered this afternoon when a tunnel beneath their trainin’ grounds spontaneously collapsed. Seems they didn’t shore that place up enough before havin’ sixty odd heavy men and women trample up and down on it doing trainin’ exercises. Somewhat of an oversight, I have to say.

In somewhat happier news, treatment of the meat from the Grox Farms has begun, and people are already reporting feeling much better from eatin’ the meat as a result. It still looks pretty gross, but apparently, it tastes alright these days.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, this time not serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 6, 5 and -1. Those are some seriously unlucky numbers, let me tell ya. But then, this has been an unlucky day.

So, we finally have some excitement! There was a great riot in the streets of Midnight Town this afternoon, as the faithful rose up and started draggin’ the sinner – and about anyone else they found on their path – from their homes, demandin’ they repent their follies. The riot is still bein’ put down by the Imperial Guard as we speak.

Apparently, the rioters were lookin’ for a sniper who gunned down a feral preacher in the street. Who knows if they succeeded, but it’s nice to see people gettin’ angry for once!

But seriously though. The odd riot is fine, but let’s not make this a habit. No one wants their world torn apart, do they.

Do they.

…

Anyway. Tonight, I’d like to take a moment to mourn the dead. I don’t have much to say, and never did  – the dead are dead, most of them can’t hear us. But to the living, never forget:

We are still here.

We are still here.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett. No tunes tonight. Just a moment of silence.’

The feed is quiet for a while, before going dead.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 6, 5 and 1.

After a pretty raucous day yesterday, things have calmed down a little today. The Guard have put out a warnin’ that any more riotin’ while they are in town will result in a similarly ‘swift’ response as yesterday, and from what I understand, quite a lot of people died. But hey, no one important, right? Gotta pick what you sacrifice, people. If you’re gonna die, have a clear end goal in mind. And if you aren’t…well, think that through too. Faith is all.

Anyway, a combination of ill feelin’ towards the guard for the massacrin' of rioters in Inner Town and the death of most of the new recruits in this week’s tunnel collapse has meant that the recruitment drive has slowed to a crawl. I think it’s a darn shame, but then I’ve always been a sucker for not getting’ torn to shreds by mankind’s enemies. My dream was always to die from whiskey-induced liver failure.

What?

A man can dream.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are still 6, 5 and 1.

In today’s news, things have calmed down after the other day’s fun escapades, and a semblance of normalcy has returned to Midnight Town. Recruitment by the Church of Divine Grace continues to be at all-time high. Recruitment for the Guard is at an all-time low. Funny how things work out isn’t it? Maybe this is the end of days.

In other news, the Church of St Moriartus has spoken out against me, your dearest radio host. Condemnin’ me as a recidivist and heretical broadcast, of all things. It seems that the supposed faithful of this town are easily bribed, and Adept Cunningham has pockets that run deep. Haha, I joke. Still not payin’ that license fee, my establishment-friend. Speech of the true faith has no price. So, I repeat: suck it.

Hey, why don’t you mail the bill through my letter box?

If you can find it.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 15, 8 and -2.

Another relatively quiet day in Midnight Town. The Imperial Guard held a little get together, a shin-dig if you will, at the Pearl Knife hotel in Inner Town, and that was nice enough – though of course only the well-to-do got to attend. I heard on the grapevine that the entertainment was a Sister with the sweetest singin’ voice. Wish I could’a been there to hear it.

I’d almost forgotten about our long runnin’ segment, but here it is: Matches the cat and Jaenie the child are still quite missing. Coincidentally, both Louise Patterson and Miss Helia have doubled the reward available for information that leads to their respective pets being found, so for all y’all money hunters out there, get lookin’.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

'Howdie there, to all y'all in Midnight Town. This, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 24, 11 and -5.

There has been some considerable rabble-rousin' by the citizenry of Midnight Town of the quality (or lack thereof) of the meat comin' in from the Grox Farms. It all seems to have started with an anonymous article in the Midnight Writer, and there has already been a small riot at a local meat store. Several groups of concerned folk have sprung up demandin' a Townwide boycott of the stuff. There's even been vandalism: some hoodlum has graffiti'd "Freedom meat, not factorum deceit!" in big ol' letters on the side of the Passus Factorum.

Looks like the Sisters' treatment of the meat hasn't been enough to alleviate people's fears. Personally, I support it. Never eat anythin' you ain't killed with your own two hands. It's what my papa always told me.

In other news, Miss Helia has been spotted comin' out of her bubble for the first time in over a decade. She was seen havin' tea with General Harroway in Inner Town. Nice to see people socialisin'.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin' off with some classic tunes.'

For the next few hours, or until you turn off the vox, the feed proceeds to play old timey frontier music. It abruptly goes dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 18, 9 and -3.

Woo! Well, this has been an eventful day. There was quite the scene at the Church of St Moriartus today as our home town hero Acolyte Seraphim jumped out of a window of a bell tower to avoid what was later learned to be an assassination attempt. The Church has put out a call for anyone with information on the identity of the assailant, described as a tall and wiry individual in jet black robes.

In other news, the Church of Divine Grace have declared Midnight Town to be an irredeemable den of vice and villainy that all True Faithful must avoid. All who wish to remain members of the Church will need to live at the compound on a permanent basis from now on, and any who return to Midnight Town without permission are to be cast out. Despite this bein’ a little harsh, their followers have taken the message well, and most have chosen to stay with the Church and live out in the Wastes on a permanent basis. In fact, they have had a spate of new members since the announcement. The Town is lookin’ a little emptier as a result.

Meanwhile, boycotts of the meat from the Grox Farm are continuin’ to take root, and there are rumours that the Sisterhood approve of the outcry.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 3, 4 and 2.

Our top story tonight: a message from Miss Helia to the person that has Jaenie, who, as I will remind you, is missing. Apparently, Miss Helia claims that she knows who has done it, and is givin’ them a chance. If Jaenie is brought back to the Orphanage by the midnight after this broadcast, that’ll be the end of it. If not, that individual will be declared a traitor, and hunted down to the ends of the earth by the Adeptus Terra. This is a one-time only offer.

Pretty excitin’ stuff right?

Things continue to be secretive around the Church of Divine Grace compound, and the boycotts against the meat from the Grox Farms continue to grow in strength, despite prices being dropped around Midnight Town. People are flockin’ en masse to the Sisterhood to help them rid their bodies of the toxins of havin’ already eaten some of that crap.

Its seems that strange occurrences are continuin’ to build in Midnight Town.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 0 and 3.

Our top story tonight is that some mysterious roars and rumbles have been heard in a crag in the earth leadin’ to the warrens just a few minutes north of Midnight Town. The reports come in from Waste-Hunters and other frequenters of the area, who say that they have not approached the source of the noise as of yet.

In other news, more and more denizens of Midnight Town have joined the boycott against the meat from the Grox Farms. Some have even reported developin’ cancer as a result of eatin’ the meat, though of course nothin’ is confirmed, and the Mechanicus condemn the whole phenomena as baseless hysteria.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 16, 10 and -6.

Our top story tonight: Brother Ephrael of Ashwake has been declared a traitor by Miss Helia. Anyone who sees this individual is to attempt to destroy him on sight, and listen not to his lies. At least, if you put stock in what she says. But hey, if she’s right, it’d be treachery not to, right? But then, if he’s a priest, it’d be treachery if you do attack and she’s wrong. Tricky situation, huh?

In other news, a great deal of shootin’ was heard from the edge of Outer Town this evenin’, but no one seems to know the source. Perhaps its related to Miss Helia’s feud with Ashwake? Or the activities of the gangs? Or that mutant monster that was seen in town a while back? Who knows.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 9, 10 and -8. Damn, those are our unluckiest numbers yet, I reckon.

Our top story tonight: there appears to be some sort of internal war goin’ on within the ranks of the military: navy and guard personnel have been executing vast quantities of their own forces all evening. What the targeted individuals have done is unclear, but there are barricaded houses gettin’ mowed down by auto-fire and people gettin’ killed by the dozens. The Imperial Navy have been particularly aggressive in their response, not really carin’ who gets caught in the crossfire.

In other news, it appears that there has been a sharp increase in the number of people contractin’ cancer in Midnight Town, a malignant, fast-growin’ and invasive kind which is being attributed to eatin’ meat from the Grox Farms. People are reminded of a similar plague the Mechanicus caused eons back which had similar symptoms, though this modern version of the plague also causes mental deterioration as well as physical. The Mechanicus have, naturally, denied involvement.

The Sisters of Our Lady Theresa have warned that anyone showin’ symptoms of the illness should come forward immediately, in order that a cure might be found.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 8, 6 and -2.

The violence from the military seems to have slowed against their own people, but now they are committin’ random acts of warfare against the citizenry of Midnight Town, in a way that is unlikely to help their reputation. As well as assaults on civilian’s homes, the Imperial Navy launched an attack on the Ludum Casino, apparently demandin’ that many of their prostitutes be surrendered to be summarily executed. This resulted in a stand-off between the Parnassus family and the Navy until the matter was eventually settled between Vice-Admiral Wagner and Don Parnassus, with the assistance of Father Patrick. Not sure what the Navy has against the men and women of the night, but it’s somethin’.

In related news, the ceasefire between the Emeriti and Parnassus families was broken last night when high-ranking cartel member Yolanda Emeriti launched an attack on Pater Noster's Aventine-style restaurant, takin’ advantage of the Parnassus’ stand-off with the military. There, she kidnapped several members of the Parnassus clan, who were released just a few hours ago in exchange for Joseph Emeriti, who has until recently been a ‘guest’ of the Parnassus household. The state of the peace deal between the two families is currently unknown.

All scary stuff, folks. It seems that war is never far from the horizon in Midnight Town. What is it they always say about the 41st Millennium?

I forget.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 6, 5 and -1.

Military activities in Midnight Town have ended, with whatever war the Guard and Navy were wagin’ seems to be broadly over. Nevertheless, their reputation in Midnight Town is at an all-time low. People are callin’ for explanation, and callin’ for the military to be expelled from the town. Pressure is on the Councillors, who are being pressured to push forwards a resolution requirin’ the Guard and Navy to file a formal declaration of martial law for them to remain on Amaranthine soil. There are rumours that the Parnassus family are in favour of such a motion.

Meanwhile, the strange roars from the north of Midnight Town have stopped. Let’s hope that whatever that was never again haunts our soil.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 16, 10 and -6.

Truly, the depravity of the Navy knows no bounds. Today, Imperial Navy personnel captured and publicly executed Matches the Cat, givin’ a tearful end to that particular story. Lieutenant General Pierce and Lady Patterson are said to have also perished durin’ this mysterious and random purgin’ of Midnight Town. What do the Guard, Navy, prostitutes, a noble woman and a cat all have in common? It sounds like the set up to a bad joke, doesn’t it? Interestingly, aside from Pierce, Matches and one other guardsman, all the victims of this purge have been female. Pretty strange, if you ask me.

In other news, there have been further reports of strange goings on in the darkness of Midnight Town. Nightmares continue to abound, and people have reported seein’ strange occurrences such as patches of ice on the sidewalk in the blisterin’ heat, clocks runnin’ backwards and other wychy nonsense.

Be on your toes, dear listener, these are dark times.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.