Goodnight Midnight Radio Show

At the stroke of midnight, each of you receives quite the fright when your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and a voice begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle. It is a deep voice, male, with a thick frontier-drawl but crisp clarity.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 5, 6 and 4.

I’d like to say hello, first of all, to all our new comers! I hope y’all have a wonderful stay in our quiet little town, and don’t find the experience too calamitous. Take advantage of that small-town hospitality, take a walk on the government precinct boulevards, rolls some die in the casino and have a whisky at Pater Noster’s Kalto-Style Restaurant. All good stuff.

In recent news, I’d like to congratulate Maria and Joseph Emereti, who just got back from the doctor in Dust Town today with news that they will be having a bouncin’ baby gal. Congratulations also go out to the Patterson family, for the news of the recent engagement of Miss Louise to a General, no less. We’re all pleased for her.

In somewhat less happy news, Honey the cat is missing. This small-town mascot is owned by Miss Helia, who misses her very much. If anyone of y’all sees her, y’all should pick that lil kitty up and bring her home. The cat is a ginger tabby, quite fluffy, with a distinctive pair of big ol’ blue eyes. Perhaps her disappearance is the herald to somethin’ greater, somethin’ more sinister, who knows. I don’t believe things ever happen by coincidence – there is always a reason, always somethin’ else goin’ on. What we all know though, is that somethin’s always’a going on, in Midnight Town.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you work out how to turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

'Howdie there, to all y'all in Midnight Town. This, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 12, 7 and 1. Better keep them Aquilas close.

A big shout out goes to a new resident of our little town, Seraphim. This church-bound handy helper has already made his mark on the community, saving ol' Mr Balowski from a very scary beasty that had set up shop in his chicken pen. Our hats go off to you, Seraphim.

In other news, Councillor Paula Mendes is rumoured to be looking to retire from her position of 52 years sometime in the next few months. That means it may be election time once again to find her successor. We'll keep you informed, dear listener, as the news - and the rumours - roll in.

Once again, this is everyone's reminder that Honey the Cat is missing. There's nothing quite so gut churnin' as a beloved member of the community vanishin' without a trace. It really gets the mind goin'. Where has she gone? Was she taken? Who, or what, is responsible? Your guess is as good as mine, but the important thing is to always keep guessin'.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin' off with some classic tunes.'

For the next few hours, or until you turn off the vox, the feed proceeds to play old timey frontier music. It abruptly goes dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are still 12, 7 and 1.

Terrible news tonight, as it has emerged that Richard Parnassus has been murdered. We all mourn this gentle giant, who spent his spare time devoted to charity, and had aspirations of joinin’ the Imperial Guard, Amaranthyne 5th. He will be missed. It is believed that the assailant is a mutant. Me, I don’t jump too quickly to conclusions. A suspicious mind is a healthy mind. Still, be on your guards.

In potentially related news, there has been indications that the old gang fighting between the Emeriti cartel and the Parnassus family is reopening. There was apparently a firefight this evening between Judas Emereti and his friends and Jebediah Parnassus and his brothers. Judas apparently attacked Jebediah entirely unprovoked, with a killer’s intent. All the Emeritis were killed, save for one mysterious and unidentified bearded individual who fled the scene. Who is this bearded killer? Where is he hiding? Most importantly, what does he want? You decide.

Here is another reminder that Honey the Cat… is missing. We've all seen the posters, but nobody has seen Honey the cat. Nobody. Or is that somebody? Maybe it is. I am certain that someone must have seen her. If that is you, be careful. It takes a special kind of monster to take on a town favourite. Especially Honey the Cat. Believe me. Maybe you already know. Maybe it’s you. Have you considered that it might be you? It’s time to bring Honey home. I think that’s for the best.

To round us off, I’d like to talk to y’all about work. Now, we all know that a job worth doing is worth dying for. That’s in the Creed. But some of us take it too far, and others not far enough. I’m one of the first kind, I think, and I know there are many more like me out there. I’d like to give y’all a bit of advice: take a deep breath. Look at the big picture. It’s easy to miss the wood for the trees, and that can leave you lost. Or eaten by mountain wolves. I hate mountain wolves. Nasty buggers.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 36, 13 and negative 5. Better or worse? You decide.

Things have been quiet on the Western front. After a spate of violence, the Emeriti and Parnassus families seem to have gone to ground. We don’t know what they are doing, but we’re sure it can’t be good. When plots are afoot, bad things are sure to follow. At least, that’s what I believe – I like to keep things simple.

Honey the Cat is missing. This is a problem that we’ve flagged on this show for some time now, and it really is a huge problem, a huge event. In the wake of huge events, after them and before them, physical details, they spasm for a moment; they sort of unlock and when they come back into focus they suddenly coincide in a weird way. Street names and birthdates and middle names, all kind of superfluous things appear related to each other. It's a ripple effect. So, what does it mean? Well... it means somethin's going to happen. Somethin’ big. But then, somethin's always about to happen.

My final message for today is to remember that only in death does duty end. Things might seem a bit scary out there. You see a lot of smiling faces everywhere, and you wonder if it all can quite be real. The world might seem pretty black and white. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe you can find the meanin’ in the chaos. Maybe not. Important thing is that you have a job to do. So be on your guard for those that’d lead y’all astray.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 35, 12 and negative 2. Good to see things are on the up.

Our top story tonight is a source of some amusement, for me at least. Adept Gina Cunningham has once again increased the reward for anyone who can give her information leading to the discovery of yours truly. My refusal to pay for a radio license continues to irk the government of this small town. Perhaps someday they will learn that you can’t silence the voice of faith and truth. Nor can you put a price on the Word. That there, is just corruption, through and through. So, from me to you, Miss Cunningham…suck it.

In other news, long time listeners will be delighted to hear that Honey the Cat…is no longer missing. That sweet lil’ kitty has been returned home to Miss Helia in good health. No more wanderin’ now, lil’ kitty. Apparently, she came home with a lil’ kitten, which is good news! We eagerly await to hear what Miss Helia will call it.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 18, 9 and 3.

I’d like to start today by giving a shout out to our friends at the Vigil Hunters Guild. They’ve gotten a bad rap recently, and their gruff appearances might give the wrong impression, but I’m firmly of the belief that they are vital for keepin’ our small town safe. What’s done in the dark should be brought to the light, as they say, and they do a lot of work in the dark.

The great confessor Dolan Chirosius once stated that ‘I am not askin’ for blood. I can take your blood. I am askin’ for souls. Only you can give me your souls.’ Seems to me that’s what everyone is askin’ for these days, and everyone has a different perk to offer you for it. Who will end up with yours in the end? Well, wish for the moon, and I’m sure that’s exactly what you’ll get. Just be careful what you wish for.

For all those of you followin’ our regular segment on Honey the Cat, we can report that Miss Helia has decided to name the kitten Marmalade. Well ain’t that a cute lil’ name. Grow up big and strong, Marmalade.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 40, 13 and negative 3.

In today’s news, the two local business families are still in lock-down and not makin’ much noise. Is this the sign of trouble brewin’? Or will their newfound friendship emerge stronger than ever? Time will tell. We all know that we don’t wanna go back to the bad ol’ days, people dyin’ in the street. But maybe this’ll be like rippin’ off a plaster – painful, but good in the long term. Who knows.

In other news, there has been dark talk of a cult of unionism arisin’ at the local Passus Factorum. Workers are apparently unhappy at having to work the produce that has been comin’ in, and are said to be conspirin’ against the Man to bring about change. Now, I’m all one for expressin’ my displeasure, friends, but let’s hope that this one is just a rumour. These things lead down dark roads…

My last message for the day is a private one, to you. You there. Yes, you. You know who you are. Be more careful.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 18, 9 and 3. Lookin’ good!

The latest news is that Midnight Town is going to be receivin’ quite an important dignitary visiting on Emperor’s Day! That’s right, the rumours are true, Governor Lawrence Praxus will stoppin’ through the town for a short while to see the weddin’ of Miss Louise Patterson to General Harroway and visit the tourist spots before movin’ on. What a great honour! That’ll be somethin’ to tell your grandkids about.

In other news, the Another Rusty Bucket Saloon is closin’ down temporarily to deal with some foundation problems: apparently, they got some cracks in the basement threatenin’ to bring the whole thing down. They hope to be back up and runnin’ by the end of the week.

Tonight’s word of advice to y’all is to trust in your fear. A man without fear is a dead man, and man who takes no notice of his fears is worse than dead. Now, I’ll bet y’all have all got somethin’ in the back of your mind that keeps you up at night. Believe me, it’s worth losin’ that lil’ bit of sleep. Trust in your fear.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 24, 10 and 2.

In today’s news, the town has been shocked by a murder. Miss Jessie Du Mont of 31 Le Livre Street was found last night outside Joe Scarborough’s Trinket and Souvenir Shop, having been brutally knifed to death. While there are no witnesses, the family have accosted her long-term partner Loretta Shaw and brought her to before the law houses. While Loretta admits to being the last person to see Jessie, she pleads not guilty to the murder. The trial date is set for a week from now.

Something about this case has me up-in-arms, but I have to say, I can’t place why. Maybe it’s the bad feelin’ I always get in my stomach whenever the local law houses are brought up. Other towns get professional enforcers and judges, servants of the Adeptus Terra, and what do we get? Elected officials. All with their own interests, their own projects and their own group of people to keep happy. It’s a set-up that’s ripe for corruption, if you ask me. Let’s hope justice is done, regardless.

Last of all, they say that the pain of the bullet is ecstasy compared to damnation, but you know, I never found that to be particularly useful advice. Don’t you find that the question is not should I damn myself, but what will damn myself? It’s a problem I have with a lot of preachers – lots of sage and pithy sayin’s, and a whole lot of uncertainty when it actually comes to the day to day. My version of the sayin’ would be, if you find yourself getting shot by someone who isn’t howlin’ damnation, you’re probably walkin’ down the wrong tunnel, my friend. Life is pretty black and white, at the end of the day, and evil is evil.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 36, 12 and 0.

In today’s news, Luther Parnassus has made a large donation to the Vigil Hunters Guild, one for which they are very grateful. However, rumours abound as to the motivation behind the donation. Some say it’s just gratitude for their service, or a hope that no one else gets killed by mutant scum like his son, Richard, did. Others say it’s a warnin’ shot across the bow to the Emeriti family, hankerin’ for the support of the largest organised military force in Town that isn’t one of the two families. Which it is, I guess, time will tell.

In a few days’ time, the Church of Divine Grace will be holding a midnight candle-lit vigil to mourn the recent passin’ of Miss Jessie Du Mont. While the event is primarily meant for churchgoers and the Du Mont family, limited invitations are being given for others to attend.

My final message for the day is about doubt. A lot of people have doubts from time to time, or worryin’ thoughts that they can’t seem to let go of, and it’s difficult to really know what to do about it. Thoughts are words, and words can fester, turn into heresy, and then words can kill. And it occurred to me today, the solution - you kill the word that's killing you! Just like that. You repeat it. Yeah, I remember as a kid, I used to repeat words over and over again till they were incomprehensible. Kill the killing until you have a fervour within you that doesn’t make a lick of sense. And then, just go with it. There is no substitute for zeal, after all.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 42, 13 and negative 1.

Food prices are risin’ in Midnight Town. Not for want of supply, mind. It seems the townsfolk are getting pickier: rejectin’ the meat made at our very own Grox Farms in favour of imports of meat and grain from out of town. There has been an uptick in import businesses created by out-of-towners, which makes this an important time to remind people to support the lil’ businesses made by the native townsfolk. I always loved Margie Chamber’s Meat Emporium – I hear she’s found a supplier of fresh, good quality meat where other businesses have been flounderin’.

In other news, I’ve been hearing rumour told that there has been a rise in strange dreams, waking and not. People havin’ nightmares, not rememberin’ them when they wake, but knowin’ it’s the same, night after night. People seeing the same prairie dog pass them twice in a row. People hearing their loved ones say somethin’ that they didn’t actually say. What does it all amount to? What does it all mean? Nothin’ good, I can tell you that. Say your prayers, but remember, it’s not the end of the world – it’s just the end of the day.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 7, 8 and 6. My favourite so far.

Our top story today is a confirmation that Councillor Mendes, town representative for the last 52 years, is intending to step down from her position in the next few months. Ms Mendes’ official statement is that it has been a pleasure servin’ the people of Midnight Town, but at 92 years of age, she’s just too old for this shit. Only, kiddin’, she didn’t say that last part.

In other news, the hole in the basement of the Another Rusty Bucket Saloon is all fixed up, meanin’ that people can start enjoyin’ that family friendly atmosphere once again without the fear of fallin’ through the floor or being invaded by mutant scum from the deep. Good stuff.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 0 and 6.

Our top story tonight is trouble in the residential districts of the Outer Town. Residents of a small block of houses on Ferentel Street reported hearin’ maddenin’ howlin’ and screamin’ comin’ from all around them before they all suffered from a momentary, collective blackout. Rumours are still pourin’ in as to what happened, but it is clearly a sign of dark things afoot – foul magicks, the trickeries of hell itself. There will certainly be blood as a result of this, and we’ve heard that this might already be the case – there’s blood, there’s blood everywhere. Blood, blood, blood.

My moral ramblin’ for the evening relates to the concept of innocence. We’re taught that innocence is an illusion, but only as a mantra, not as a way of life. Because, think about, it you trust your husband, your wife, your child, you best friend, the guy who works down the line at the factorum – you don’t actually think they have done anything damnable. Now you might say that you always keep an eye out, but you’d act differently if that were the case. Think about it. So, what is it. Is the creed wrong, or are you doing things wrong? I think you know the answer. After what happened on Ferentel Street tonight – maybe y’all shouldn’t have been so trustin’.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 18, 9 and 3.

Our top story today is related to yesterday’s top story – monsters in Midnight Town. As residents of Ferentel Street tried to work out what foul magicks filled their homes with pourin’ blood and addled their minds, they discovered that Elis and Dorothy Harper, two born and bred siblings of the Town, had been murdered in their own home.

Elis was described as havin’ been ripped limb from limb, as if by some horrific monster. What happened? Was it a beast? A wych? A daemon? My money is daemons. It’s always daemons. Except when its werewolves. Or was it vampyres? I forget.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 42, 13 and -1.

We’ve been hearin’ news of quite a lot of strange goings on in Midnight Town today. There was an explosion heard from the Grox Farms, and Rune Priest Cibus stormed into the Passus Factorum a mere hour later with a look’a pure fury on his face. Connected? Somethin’ certainly seems amiss.

There are also rumours that an attempt has been made on the life of Arthur Emereti. The Cartel leader was apparently enjoyin’ a meal in his own home when someone laced his drink with poison. Now, the obvious suspicion is that this was the responsibility of the Parnassus family, given their recent feudin’, but how did the poison get into the house? From what we know, Mr Emereti is still alive, but we do not know what state he is in.

Finally, the candlelit vigil for Jessie Du Mont went ahead today, and apparently was quite a touchin’ and movin’ event. Our prayers go out to the Du Mont family at this tough time.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 30, 11 and -1.

More terrible occurrences. Councillor Lonesome Daniels has been murdered, shot down and knifed in his own home. His three live-in servants, triplets Lola, Layla and Lawrence, have gone missin’, either kidnapped or implicated in the dirty deed. Anyone with information that might lead to the capture of the killer is to report to the mayor, right away.

Now I know it’s not right to speak ill of the dead, but personally I never liked the man. That said, I’m sure his replacement won’t be any better. I’ve noticed a bit of a trend there. Just sayin’. Election news to follow.

In other news, a Passus Factorum worker by the name of Nicol has recently gone missin’. With the death of Elis Harper, another Factorum worker, at the hands of some terrible beast just a few days ago, are we looking at a spree? Or just a coincidence? I’m sure you know my answer, dear listeners.

Our final story for tonight – Matches the Cat is missing. It seems that despite only having three cats in town, we have quite the record for losin' 'em. Actually, a lot of things are goin’ missing of late. Let’s hope this story has a happy endin’, and Matches finds his way home to Miss Louise Patterson.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 32, 12 and -4.

Our top story today relates to earlier rumours that a union had sprung up at the Passus Factorum. It seems the Factorum foremen are operatin’ a crackdown, and today 40 workers were rounded up and marched out through the Wastes towards the Grox Farms at gun point. Happy ending? Somethin’ to be concerned about? You decide. Hopefully that’ll be the end of this union business, in any case.

In our ongoing regular segment on missing pets, I can confirm that Matches the Cat is still missing. Given that he’s a house cat, one has to wonder what he would be doing out of the house, and what he’s lookin’ for. Or has someone taken him? Maybe it’s both. Now that would be a twist.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 28, 11 and -3.

Tonight we have reports of increased mutant activity comin’ up from the warrens under Midnight Town and the surroundin’ Wastes. I know the Vigil Hunters Guild haven’t been popular of late, but sometimes we forget that if the worst comes to the worst, they are all that stands between us and destruction. Never underestimate the mutant threat, my friends. Especially given the number of heavily wounded people I’ve seen wanderin’ the streets of late.

In some lighter news, we are pleased to announce an upcomin’ sale at Margie Chamber’s Meat Emporium. Fresh, quality meat at discount prices! Get them while stocks last. Choice cuts are likely to run out fast.

Last of all, a reminder to all that the trial of Loretta Shaw will be proceedin’ tomorrow. All those who want to get involved best do so quickly, because rumours are, a guilty verdict is lookin’ quite likely.

As always, your host – wait. Breakin' news! A mutant has been seen on the outskirts of Inner Town, some kind of infant sized monstrosity, hairless with claws for arms and legs. It scuttled out of a house before fleein’ gun fire. More on this story as it develops. Excitin’ stuff! Remember what I said about the Vigil Hunters? And you lot never listened to me.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our unlucky numbers today are 32, 12 and -4.

Alright, because we promised, here’s election news! Joint elections are being launched for the election of replacements for Lonesome Daniels and Paula Mendes tomorrow, and we have the scoop on the three likely frontrunners among the nominees.

First up, we have Bernice Payne, who is platformin’ for increased education for home-born children up to age of 16, to increase the number of skilled labourers in Midnight Town. She’s concerned that outsiders are comin’ in and takin’ all the highly-paid jobs, and thinks the Council needs to do more to protect the natives of Midnight Town.

Next up, we have Pearl Hoffman. She’s campaigning for subsidies for new businesses, to end the monopolies that some…entities…have over certain markets in Midnight Town. Is she capitalisin’ on the chaos and weaker position of the Emeritis and Parnassus families? Time will tell. If so, it’s a dangerous position to take.

Finally, we have Leo Smith. He’s runnin’ on law and order – arguin’ that the government and the church are not doin’ enough to protect us from the monsters that seem to be assailin’ the town. With mutant abominations and people getting’ ripped apart in their own homes, Smith believes in increasing the availability of the death penalty for minor crimes and putting minimum quotas on Council-sponsored lynchin’s. Interestin’ stuff.

We can also report on the fate of Loretta Shaw in her trial for the murder of Jessie Du Mont. Some last-minute evidence was submitted from an anonymous source which showed the victim leavin’ an alleyway near the Ludum Casino with a mysterious dark-robed individual. This shot up Mrs Du Mont’s case, which was based pretty much entirely on Loretta bein’ the last person to see Jessie alive. Paula Mendes has thrown the case out for lack of evidence. Let’s hope she got it right, and that the real killer is caught soon. My guess? Vampyres.

Or was it werewolves?

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 30, 11 and -1.

All is quiet on the home front today: nobody murdered, torn apart by monsters, or not showin’ up when they should do. With the events of the past few weeks, we should relish these small moments of calm. I’m sure it isn’t the calm before the storm, or anythin’ like that. But why listen to me? I’m just paranoid.

My only other message goes out to you. Yes you. You know who you are. You are in grave danger. Be careful. I wasn't jokin', all those times I -

[The feed is interrupted by crackling noises]

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 5, 6 and 4.

Our top story tonight concerns some new arrivals to Midnight Town! General Harroway has arrived in Midnight Town, along with a whole slew of the who’s-who of top Navy and Guard brass. He’s here to visit his fiancé and soon-to-be wife Miss Louise Patterson. How romantic. They have arrived on the magnificent Emperor’s Wrath cruiser – did you know that it is one of the few Navy vessels in this system which is authorised and capable of performing an Exterminatus? Whole worlds, gone in the blink of an eye. Really makes you think.

In other news, Councillor Lewis will not be taking part in the upcomin’ election to find replacements for Councillor Paula Mendes and the deceased Councillor Lonesome Daniels. She told reporters today that she plans to take a short holiday to spend some much-needed time with her family.

Finally, more on our ongoing segment, that’s right – Matches the Cat is missing. We’ve all seen the posters, but apparently, no one has seen Matches the Cat. Given that this should be some of the happiest days of Miss Louise’s life, it would be wonderful if lil’ ol’ Matches could find his way home. But sometimes life just isn’t that simple. Is it?

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 40, 13, -3.

In our top story tonight, the number of townsfolk joinin’ the Church of Divine Grace has increased exponentially over the past few weeks, as people seek peace and answers to the chaos that they feel the other religious establishments of Midnight Town cannot give. I’m all for anti-establishment sentiments, but look before you leap folks, alright?

Last of all: I note that I had some visitors earlier, but you just missed me. Maybe if you come durin’ the music segment of my show, we can have a chat? I always love talkin’ to my loyal listeners. I’m free now, if you are…

Don’t be scared. I don’t bite.

It’s not like I’m a vampyre or anythin’.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 45, 14, -4.

Our top story tonight is that Sister Superior Wanda, long-time leader of the Sisters of Our Lady Teresa, passed away this mornin’. Sister Wanda lived to the ripe old age of 102, and was beloved by all she worked with. She is succeeded Sister Apothecaria Norma, who now goes by the title Sister Superior Apothecaria.

They say that suffering is an unrelenting instructor. It’s the motto of the Sisters of Our Lady Teresa, actually – Saint Teresa was known to have been subjected to horrific torture at the hands of a daemon and was a renowned flagellant before she was martyred. So, in honour of the life of Sister Superior Wanda, I ask you dear listener: how much are you willin’ to suffer? I imagine the answer is not a lot. Maybe you should think about that.

As for those of you are willin’…well, good luck. You need it.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 40, 13, -3.

Sister Superior Apothecaria Norma is already getting’ work after one day in her position, and her first port of call was visitin’ the Passus Factorum, shortly followed by a lengthy trip to the Grox Farms. What was she interested in? Who knows. All I know is that the Sisters of Our Lady Theresa and the Mechanicus in Midnight Town haven’t spoken since M39.02, when the Sisters were first called into the Town. The Plague of ’02. Those were dark days.

In other news, the General and his cohort are settlin’ well into Midnight Town, havin’ shacked up in the Patterson household. More guardsmen have been comin’ down on shore leave from the Emperor’s Wrath, meanin’ the streets are swarmin’ with guns, more so than usual. A reason to feel safer? Or less safe? You decide.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.

Once again, your vox-casters turn on of their own accord and the voice of Singing Barnett begins to speak, serenaded by a jaunty jingle.

‘Howdie there, to all y’all in Midnight Town, this, as usual, is your Goodnight Midnight radio program. Our lucky numbers today are 35, 12, -2.

Our top story today is that a child has gone missin’ from Miss Helia’s Orphanage for Little Sisters. The girl’s name is Jaenie, and she is a young white girl, eight years ol’, with big eyes and a bald head. Miss Helia allegedly told the Midnight Writer Press House that it is unlikely that Jaenie has run off on her own, indicatin’ that a kidnappin’ has occurred. Miss Helia has this to say to all you folks: if you see the girl, let her know immediately. Try not to approach her if you think she’s stayin’ in one place – the people who have taken her are no doubt armed and incredibly dangerous.

Speakin’ of missin’ things, Matches the cat is still missing. Wouldn’t it be ironic if they were taken by the same person? That would be strange. But strange things are afoot in Midnight Town, and I’m not prepared to rule out anything.

But that’s just me.

As always, your host, Singing Barnett, signin’ off with some classic tunes.’

For the next few hours, or until you turn off your vox, the feed proceeds to play old-timey frontier music, before abruptly going dead at 3am.